Mayo. I don’t feel good about it. To me, the only acceptable use for Mayo is in Tuna. And that’s only because Tuna’s potent enough to mask Mayo’s deficiencies. Needless to say there is a lot of Mayo in Lesotho. I dream of it. I dream of opening my cupboard door (It’s not refrigerated!), grabbing the jar, running up to the top of mountain behind my house and hurling it into oblivion.
In the name of Louis François Armand du Plessis, duc de Richelieu, why did you bring this condiment back to France after the battle of Mahon. My aversion may have started at the Via station in Ottawa. Unfortunately at Burger King you’re not allowed to specify what you would like on your burger. Whoever the employee was who made my Whopper opted for the full immersion bun baptism of Mayo. I took a couple of bites and puked. Coleslaw; please; potato salad; disgusting; there are vinaigrettes in this world for reasons.
There are no vinaigrettes in Lesotho. So instead we grate carrots and add three heaping spoonfuls of Mayo. Take a can of beans and add 6 or 7 heaping spoonfuls of Mayo. Potato salad; we might just add half the jar. The thought of Mayo gives me goosebumps and my body gives a few uncontrollable shakes. Oh, how I loath Mayo with every fiber of my being. I detest it more than the Ottawa Senators, Birkenstocks, Stephen Harper, Kobe Bryant and Fox News. I can’t even write the full word, Mayonai… ughh it just sounds lubricated, slippery and rotten.
So you North Americans revel in your balsamic vinegar and olive oil and I’ll keeping eating crow, that is, canola oil and egg yolk. But upon my return could you do me one favour, please hold the Mayo.
Simon Says 
Oh Simon,
You should ask Christina about Russian’s and their many ways you use the stuff…
Hey what’s ur beef with Birks or is it just feet? Should we be bringing you some balsamic dressing to slurp in your rondaville instead of snacking on TUMS?
I gagged as I read your post, mayo was the bain of my existance in Zim. It was always served with cabbage and carrots. I feel your pain!
mayo’s growing on me, to be perfectly sincere.
Si, I thought of you this morning as I was digging around in the fridge for some mayo to put on my chicken sandwich. I suggest aversion therapy ~ you know, get overexposed to to mayonnaise and then it won’t be so bad. Maybe you could crank up the VCR in the rondoval and watch the mayo scene in “Undercover Brother” 100 times. Either that or spend some quality time with Neuf. He apparently has the stuff growing on him.
Yeah Phil. It’s getting kind of messy.