My fiance and I?
It’s true. I have a fiance and, inturn, am a fiance. I’m really happy I can’t figure out how to type the accent. That would be way to pretentious. Before I get side-tracked I don’t want people to misconceive this post as bitterness towards marriage or engagement or love. I’m elated. Thanks to all of you who have been a support in our lives. I’m truly grateful. The engagement ordeal was a bit of struggle. We hiked down an extremely steep slope to the bottom of a massive waterfall through stinging nettle. I proposed. Rachel said yes after she said sure. We drank water we shouldn’t have drank. We tried to find an easier way out and failed ending up on a cliff island. It took an an hour and a half to get to that island. We had to return and hike back the way we came. The bad-water induced spell-binding bowel problems that lasted the remainder of the week. It was a great. Really.
But none of that prepared me for unleashing the f word. Rarely has a word slithered out of my mouth with such apprehension and disdain. It feels so fake. Maybe my problem is genealogical. My mom, after all, was known to introduce my father as her friend for the first two years of their marriage. I’m not artistic. I have a terrible French accent. The word does not fit my je ne sais quoi. I can’t pull it off.
It brings me back to a very bizarre period of my life in China where I would read Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina before bed with Mozart’s 4oth in the background. I thought I was cool. And that’s the thing so did all of Tolstoy’s Russians. They would speak French to each other to show they from the upper class. I wonder if they had the gall to use the word fiance. At the time I thought it was great and cultured. I even began to speak French in China.
The point is I’m not going to masquerade in those 19th century Russian drawing rooms using a word that feels empty. So if you could please help me out I need a new word. Any suggestions?
Simon Says 
Awww, Simon, congrats! That’s beautiful, really happy for you two. And what a sweet proposal story! Bowel movements and all ;o)
As for your conundrum about using the f-word, you’re not alone! Here’s advice from another guy who’s put a lot of thought into the issue: http://tinyurl.com/yj8dhtf
Hope that helps! Personally, I like his “future husband/wife” suggestion.
PS When’s the wedding?
Personally, I thought it was somehow quaint and refreshing to be introduced as “my friend” by Christine for that first year. I miss those days.
Maybe a sports analogy of some sort would make the most sense for you. How about “intended receiver” or “future tag team partner” or “running mate”. “Battery mate” would carry too many negative implications, as would “designated hitter.”
You could always just give in the the unrelenting colloquial current. Path of least resistance. Or you could call Rachel “Holmes” or “Sancho Panza”. Thoughts?
Hooray! Congratulations cousin!
If it makes you feel any better, Mia and I used fiancé quite casually without feeling any excess baggage of it being a French word. However, some other suggestions might be: my betrothed (a little Shakespearean), the love of my life (might be a little heavy), my future wife (i like this one), my girl/my boo/my (insert other pet name here) (might be too cutesy).
Along Phil’s line of sports thinking, you could go with MVP, or (borrowing a bit from Outkast) “she’s/he’s on my team starting first string”.
Congrats! The word for fiance in Swahili is mchumba, which literally means woman of the bedroom… You could give it a try if you want.
Mchumba is definitely the leader in the clubhouse right now. Brilliant.
Congrats. It seems a lot of people are getting hitched these days.
BTW, it’s option-e+e for a Mac, or ALT+0233 on a PC for the accent.
Well, Simon. Sadly I’ve not mastered the art of the short email. But, labour on.
First of all, I think I am likely one of the few readers of this blog that was witness both to the earliest days of the meeting of your mom and dad, and the meeting of you and your fian, ah, beloved. On both accounts there are stories I won’t share. But for both you and your folks, I do believe there is the commonality of a summer camp east of MacArthur’s Mills and west of Boulter. So, the apple really does not fall far from the tree, regardless of the strength of the prevailing winds. Ah, but I digress.
I have been a teacher of adults (mostly young adults) in a community college setting for almost the past 17 years, and one of the trends I found mostly amusing, though somewhat melancholic, is the evolution over these years of the word, fiance. In the earlier years there may have been a ring, there may have been a date, but there was surely an intent to progress to a long term relationship, even marriage. Over time, the term was reduced to, “The person with whom I’m currently living”, so it was not uncommon for someone to have one fiance at the beginning of semester and another at the end! I say this to say that I understand your discomfort with the word, if not for the person or the institution. And although I totally understand your readiness to embrace the term ‘mchumba’, I would humbly point out that really, you can pretty much eliminate the word altogether, say, when introducing Rachel, “This is Rachel; she and I are getting married.”, or, when you’re referring to her in her absence, “Rachel, to whom I’m being married next year (or next week/decade/whatever), is currently in Ottawa.”
There are ways to avoid this term seemlessly, perhaps ways in which only a student of journalism can fully develop.
At any rate, I’m very happy for you both and look forward to the next time I see you. Your parents are elated!
Congtrats Simon!! What a pleasant surprise – well maybe not a total surprise! We are happy for both of you! No ideas on the “fiance front” though! Look forward to hearing stories when you get home.